


How Not To Woo Oikawa Tooru (As seen by Sawamura Daichi)

by Asphyxiation (cat_in_my_hat)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chat Logs, Crack, Drinking Games, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Underage Sexual Activity, Roadtrip, Self-Indulgent, Vulgar Language, carpool karaoke haikyuu addition, daichi can't deal with idiots, idk if its underage drinkning, inappropriate, just chaos really, not chronological bc fuck you logic, oh look is that iwasuga, they're all eighteen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8010703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_in_my_hat/pseuds/Asphyxiation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“See?” Oikawa cheers when he sees the beach, squinting through his floppy hat, “We can finally see the beach!”</p>
<p>Kuroo lazily flicks his tongue out, “We’re still in Tokyo.”</p>
<p>Oikawa huffs – Daichi is reminded of a puffer fish, with the way his lips pucker, “No one asked you, Kuroo-chan.”</p>
<p>Kuroo just – laughs?? Destroys millions of women’s ovaries??? “Calm down, princess.”</p>
<p>“Bite me,” Oikawa pushes, flipping him the bird.</p>
<p>“Don’t tempt me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or, the captains take a road trip. (And Daichi can't deal).</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not To Woo Oikawa Tooru (As seen by Sawamura Daichi)

**Author's Note:**

> Ha. have this. I'm trying other pairings okay and Kuroo is such a babe i couldnt resist.  
> It's crack tho (As per usual can't i write something nice for once ffs)  
> just a head up 1) its not chronological bc fuck that right jkjk i just loved the chat logs so i wanted to keep using them yea and 2) idk who came up with the chat log style i just saw it and was inspired so if you know who started pls tell me and i can credit them or something :))))))))

**the origin**

The idea comes from Oikawa.

(Looking back, Daichi will think, _of course it comes from Oikawa_ ).

It’s a text message that he gets one night that begins it all:

                **[7:45pm] From Oikawa:** _we should do a captains roadtrip after graduation_

                **[7:50pm] To Oikawa:** _you dont like any of the other captains in miyagi_

                **[7:52pm] From Oikawa:** _how fckn rude werent u meant to be nice?!?!?!_

**the chat logs (Daichi has no clue)**

It – somehow, don’t look at him, Daichi has no fucking clue – happens. Somehow. Oikawa asks ( _begs_ )  him for the numbers of the captains in Tokyo and he, again, _somehow_ convinces them to come. _Somehow_. There’s a group chat. Daichi really has no fucking clue.

                _HootHoot changed the chat name to_ **Dicks out for Oikawa**

**callmecrazy:** what have i done to deserve this

                **Dad:** i dont understand

                **catscratch:** pray 2 the almighty oikawa

                **HootHoot:** you will be missed :*

                **callmecrazy:** i hate u all

                **Dad:** i still don’t understand what does this have to do with the trup

                **catscratch:** it has everything 2 do w/it

                **HootHoot:** i don’t know kuroo just told me that he didn’t like pretty boys

                **Dad:** *trip

                **catscratch:** Bro no remember the CODE

                **HootHoot** : and that oikawa was a pretty boy

                **catscratch:** BRO

                **HootHoot:** so we should meme him in the chat

                **catscratch:** BRO WTF

                **Dad** : how do you meme someone??

                **callmecrazy** : i will murder everyone on this trip 9(o_o)9

                **callmecrazy:** especially u kuroo-chan ur the first to die

                **catscratch:** wtf did i do

                **callmecrazy:** ur a dick

                **callmecrazy:** and ur text talk really annoys me

                **Dad:** shouldn’t we be talking about the trip

                **callmecrazy:** and hence u die first

                **catscratch:** and y not bokuto

                **HootHoot:** please DONT KILL ME OWLS ARE ENDANGERED

                **Dad:** what do owls have to do with anything

                **callmecrazy:** Bokuto is dumb enough to be cute

                **catscratch:** and im not cute

                **callmecrazy:** no

                **catscratch:** ouch

                **HootHoot:** BRO DO YOU WANT SOME CREAM FOR THAT SICK BURN

                **Dad:** what is happening

                **callmecrazy:** u have an ugly personality

                **callmecrazy:** it shows

                **catscratch** : idk bo should i be offended or impressed

                **Dad:** impressed by what he told you that you sucked

                **HootHoot:** impressed definitely

                **callmecrazy:** thank you thank you *bows*

                **catscratch:** im proud of u

                **Dad:** im lost

                **Dad:** are we gonna organise the trip or

                **HootHoot:** oikawa do you wanna see some dank memes

                **Dad** : this is a joke right

                **catscratch:** we have some good ones

                **Dad** : are you really going to put this off for memes

                **callmecrazy** : live a little diachi

                **Dad:** please don’t use my first name

**It begins (and is not that bad [kinda])**

It gets organised (eventually – a week before the agreed upon two weeks eventually) and they’re going to drive along the coast in Oikawa’s grandfather’s shitty old honda. Bokuto and Oikawa are the only two with their licenses and so Bokuto called infinite shotgun leaving Daichi and Kuroo squished into the back with all of the food. He doesn’t have any idea how any of it makes any sense but –

Just – he has no fucking clue.

No fucking clue.

“See?” Oikawa cheers when he sees the beach, squinting through his floppy hat, “We can finally see the beach!”

Kuroo lazy flicks his tongue out, “We’re still in Tokyo.”

Oikawa huffs – Daichi is reminded of a puffer fish, with the way his lips pucker, “No one asked you, Kuroo-chan.”

Kuroo just – laughs?? Destroys millions of women’s ovaries??? “Calm down, princess.”

“Bite me,” Oikawa pushes, flipping him the bird.

“Don’t tempt me.”

Daichi. Daichi really doesn’t know. Bokuto seems to be having the time of his life, which is something. But (Oikawa goes bright red from where he’s looking at the sunset over the wheel) Daichi thinks they’re in for the long haul.

At least, he thinks, he’ll have some stories to tell Suga when they get home.

 

**The chat logs (a continuation)**

                **callmecrazy:** daichi i need to know

                **Dad:** what

                **Dad:**   and please dont use my first name

                **callmecrazy** : how do u put up with kuroo

                **catscratch:** ouch im hurting

                **callmecrazy:** kuroo shut up no one cares

                **catscratch:** my heart ----------- > </3

**callmecrazy:** i was talking to my good friend daichi not u

                **Dad:** we’re not friends

                **callmecrazy:** ur so cruel diachi we are so friends dont deny it

                **callmecrazy:** but srsly how i need to know

                **Dad:** there is nothing wrong with kuroo

                **Dad:** he’s more tolerable than you

                **callmecrazy:** why tf r u so mean?!?!?!?!?!

                **Dad:** sorry Suga took my phone

                **Dad:** you wanted to know about Kuroo??

                **callmecrazy:** u kno what never mind i don’t care anymore

                **catscratch:** hahahAHAHAHAHAHA #Suga4president2k16

                **catscratch:** u seem 2 be the only 1 who hates princess

                **callmecrazy:** i hate u

**the first night (a bunch of hopeless idiots)**

They’re in a shitty hotel when Bokuto pulls out the tequila.

Daichi knows it’s a bad idea. No one else seems to agree.

“We should play never have I ever,” Oikawa suggests, pulling the shot glasses from his bright pink carry-on bag, “And when you put a finger down, you take a shot!”

“That’s the first good idea you’ve had all day,” Kuroo taunts, and Daichi watches as Oikawa throws a plastic shot glass and it bounces off the side of Kuroo’s (decidedly _large_ ) forehead. “Oi, violence is never the answer, princess.”

“I will cut you.”

“I wouldn’t mind dying looking at a pretty face likes yours.”

He wonders if he’s going to make it home alive. Maybe he should – message Suga his final wishes. Ask him to remove the porn magazines he has hidden in between the aircraft manuals his grandfather buys him every year. Tell Michimiya that he thinks she is cute (how he wishes he’d asked her out before he came here). Send him the premature best-mans speech for Suga's and Iwaizumi’s wedding. Ask him to feed his goldfish.

Because – Oikawa is going to kill Kuroo or Kuroo is going to kiss Oikawa and the jury is still out on which one will end with less blood and gore.

Daichi shares a look with Bokuto, who’s happily munching away on sour straps. The look in Bokuto’s eyes says _what are you going to do?_ Daichi sighs, and wonders why he condemned himself to this shit. (Suga is going to have a _field day_ when he hears about this).

 

**some trivia (sentences Oikawa says that daichi never thought he’d hear someone say)**

“So, who likes bondage?”

“It is a weekday why are you so drunk?”

(on the topic of food) “Kuroo-chan, you can admire the goods, but you cannot touch the goods.”

“Do land whales exist? Or are they just elephants?”

“I don’t want to know about your mother’s wrinkly asshole, Bokuto-chan, I just want to know about Akaashi’s erectile dysfunction. Wait – it _wasn’t_ erectile dysfunction? Then what was the point of the whole conversation?”

(on the phone to Iwaizumi) “I am a perfectly pleasant human being, please keep your negative mum germs away from me.”

“Kuroo-chan, you’re too tall, so you should shave you’re head to look shorter.”

“I hate the taste of foot smell.”

 “Aliens exist. I’m waiting for them to take me.”

(on losing monopoly) “Please don’t hurt my feelings like this, I’m sensitive.”

“There is a shop for big, cute floppy hats over there, I _need to go in there_.”

“Please don’t look at me right now, I feel like a _before_ picture of the Kardashians.”

(on the topic of his butt) “I think it looks good, but not good enough to pull of leather pants. What do you think, Kuroo-chan? Is it firm enough?”  

It’s only day two. Daichi sends Suga his will, just in case.

 

**the drinking games**

“Never have I ever,” Oikawa puts a finger to his lips and smiles, “Sucked a dick before.”

Daichi promptly chokes on his water and Kuroo bursts out laughing. Daichi doesn’t know if he’s horrified or morbidly curious when it’s _Bokuto_ that puts his finger down. Even Oikawa is speechless.

“What the _hell_ Bokuto,” Kuroo starts, “When? _Why didn’t you tell me?!_ ”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Oikawa screeches, “ _Really?”_

Bokuto downs his shot before replying, “About two weeks ago? Akaashi wanted to try something new.”

Kuroo flails around like it’s the funniest thing _ever_ (really, Daichi is more embarrassed then anything) and Oikawa seems taken aback.

“Bokuto-chan,” Oikawa sniffs, “Is on a _whole other level_.”

“Level of what?” Daichi asks, patting Kuroo’s back as he chokes on his own spit.

 Oikawa turns on him, and Daichi knows that he’s not drunk enough for this, “ _Level of life_ , Dai-chan!”

“Don’t call me that,” Daichi sighs, and Kuroo’s laughing again and that really can’t be healthy because he looks like he’s about to throw up.

“Giving a blow job puts you on another level of life?” Bokuto questions, leaning his chin on his knees.

“Yes, young one,” Oikawa smiles deviously and it takes all of Daichi’s restraint not to punch him.

“Please don’t taint Bokuto with your rotten personality, he’s too pure,” he interrupts.

“ _He’s_ the only one here who’s sucked a dick,” Oikawa points out, “He’s far from pure.”

“He probably didn’t even know what a blow job was before Akaashi asked him to do it, right, Bokuto?” Daichi turns to the person in question – and Bokuto nods his head vigorously in agreement.

“Right, right,” He says, and Daichi knows he wasn’t listening to a word that they were saying.

“Anyway,” Kuroo interrupts, as though he wasn’t just about to throw up on Daichi’s pants, “I’m surprised, princess. I thought you would have put your finger down too.”

Daichi watches as Oikawa flushes red on his cheeks, and he throws a pillow at Kuroo, “Why would I ask a question to get myself out? I’m not stupid.”

(Daichi definitely does _not_ mutter, “Could have fooled me,” under his breath. No. He didn’t. He likes, and _respects_ the other captains. Especially Oikawa).

“And anyway,” Oikawa huffs, “If anyone should have put their finger down, it should have been you.”

“Can we please just ask the next question,” Daichi asks (begs), “Before you kill each other.”

“I would never want to kill princess. He’s too pretty.”

Oikawa just snarls, “Speak for yourself. I’d kill you in a heartbeat.”

It’s Bokuto who breaks them up; “Can I ask the next question?! Never have I ever had a sunglasses tan.”

(For those wondering, _yes_ Oikawa puts his finger down and _yes_ he can’t handle his liquor. Kuroo finds it all incredibly funny.)

 

**The chat logs (the squeal)**

**callmecrazy:** is anyone online?

                **callmecrazy:** i need someone to talk to

                **callmecrazy:** maths is boring

                **callmecrazy:** dont let me down guys

                **callmecrazy:** so everyone is online when bokuto &kuroo want to shitpost

                **callmecrazy:** but no one will be here when im bored

                                **_catscratch_** _is online_

                **catscratch:** never fear for kuroo is here

                                **_callmecrazy_** _is offline_

                **catscratch:** wtf

                **HootHoot:** shut down bro

                **catscratch:** rip me :’(((((

 

**the catalyst (In which Kuroo doesn’t find it funny anymore)**

Daichi – questions his life decisions – whilst he cleans glass and the remnants of expensive perfume out of Kuroo’s hand. It’s obvious that the wounds sting – Kuroo winces every time Daichi touches his cuts with a cotton ball soaked in disinfectant.

“ _This_ ,” Oikawa tuts, wringing is fingers together in something that Daichi can only call nervousness, “Is why you shouldn’t try and catch glass objects.”

Kuroo’s shoulders tense, but it’s Daichi who says, “ _This_ is why you shouldn’t _throw_ glass at people.”

Oikawa hunches over into himself. Daichi _kind of_ feels sorry for him but – “You’re a fucking asshole,” Kuroo spits, “I mean, sure, I’ve been antagonising you or whatever, but, _really_? _Glass_?” – Oikawa was being an ass.

Daichi watches as tears bunch in the corners of Oikawa’s eyes, and – he stands at his full height, cocks out a hip and says, “Don’t be such a wuss, Kuroo-chan. Think of them as battle wounds.”

Now – Daichi has known Kuroo for long enough to know that he doesn’t touch people. Gets into their personal space to make them uncomfortable, _yes_ , but never actually forces physical affection on them (unlike one Oikawa Tooru). So, colour him surprised when Kuroo shoves Oikawa out of the small bathroom of their shitty hotel suite and slams the door in his face.

Daichi doesn’t ask and Kuroo doesn’t talk.

The rest of the day is – awkward.

 

**the plan (three days of awkward silences later....)**

It’s Bokuto who gets fed up with them first.

“Hey Hey _HEY_ , Sawamura,” Bokuto greets him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. They’re on the beach, with Kuroo making a sand castle and Pointedly Not Looking At Oikawa; who is sunbathing with his earphones in and Pointedly Turned Away From Kuroo. It’s funny. It’s painful. Daichi doesn’t understand why this trip still has a week to go.

“I have a plan,” Bokuto says. Daichi is desperate enough to listen.

**The chat logs (an intermission)**

**Dad:** please stop using this chat during class my vice principle hates me enough already

                **callmecrazy** : you can’t control me

                **catscratch:** i like a man in control

                **callmecrazy:** im highly sought after goods please wait in line

                **catscratch:** legit like such a turn on

                **Dad:** please stop this is the opposite of waht i wanted

                **callmecrazy:** shut up daichi kuroo was saying nice things about me

                **Dad:** *what

                **Dad:** if Suga finds this chat i’ll never live it down

                **catscratch:** what is so bad abt suga???? hes like an angel??????

                **callmecrazy:** yeh mr refreshing-kun is soft & fluffy to look at

                **Dad:** you know nothing about him

                **callmecrazy:** educate me

                **Dad:** he takes screen shots

                **catscratch:** HOLY SHIT

                **callmecrazy:** no suga i had faith in u

                **catscratch:** be honest

                **catscratch:** how many dick pics does he have

                **Dad:** like fifty

                **callmecrazy:** is that even legal

                **catscratch:** im impressed

                **catscratch:** he has surpassed my expectations

                **callmecrazy:** kuroo-chan

                **catscratch:** yes?

                **callmecrazy:** for such a lazy typer

                **callmecrazy:** u use a lot of big words

                **catscratch:** what? Does my intelligence scare u

                **catscratch:** u do kno what im sayin right

                **catscratch:** like u understand all of the words right

                **callmecrazy:** shut up im not dumb unlike u /(=.=)/

                **Dad:** please stop

**the plan (two masterminds in action)**

“Bad news,” Daichi announces, “I could only get two rooms and one of them only has a double bed.”

Kuroo just shrugs, “It’s fine, me and Bo’ can share-”

Bokuto interrupts him by coughing loudly, “Oh _dear god_ would you look at that,” Daichi says, grabbing Bokuto by the shoulders, who keeps coughing in an over-the-top manner, “He appears to be dying and, as the professional dad that I am I’ll have to room with him. Oh but I don’t want to get sick so you two will have share the double bed hahahaha _glad we sorted that out_.”

Bokuto throws the room key at Kuroo, and they both run off towards their room, leaving Kuroo with his mouth open mid-sentence. It’s now that Oikawa takes out his earphones and says, “What?”

 

**the night (from Oikawa’s perspective)**

In terms of relative perfection, Oikawa knows he’s close in terms of looks. In terms of personality (specifically, in terms of dealing with cute boys) he leaves much to be desired.

Still. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.

“So,” Kuroo says, messing his already messy hair, “Do you want the bed, or the floor?”

“Stupid question,” goes Oikawa’s filter-less mouth, “I want the bed.”

Kuroo just nods and pulls the spare, scratchy blanket from the closet and sets it up on the floor. Oikawa swallows his guilt. He reminds himself that he hates Kuroo. Kuroo the insufferable tease. The hot guy ruining Oikawa’s plans to escape his gay crisis. The flirt. The guy who has made his life miserable thus far. (The guy who made him blush and who doesn’t laugh _at_ Bokuto like Oikawa sometimes does but laughs _with_ him and if that isn’t the cutest thing that Oikawa’s little gay heart has ever witnessed, he doesn’t know what is).

He swallows his guilt again and – “You can have the shower first.”

_He made it so awkward_.

Iwaizumi would hit him. (He deserves it, too).

He should apologise. _But_ , goes his inner-diva, _Oikawa Tooru rule #34 never apologise to insufferable assholes. Rule #245 don’t apologise to Kuroo Tetsurou because he is an insufferable asshole, period_.

(Maybe he should revise some of his rules.)

It’s not until they’re both in bed does Oikawa suck it up and say, “You can share the bed with me, you know. It’s gonna be cold tonight.”

He hears Kuroo snort from the floor, “Don’t you hate me or something?”

Oikawa hesitates – because, _yeah_ , he hates Kuroo. But he doesn’t _really_ hate Kuroo. Not really. Not at all. (He actually really, _really_ likes him. Not that he’d ever admit it out loud).

“No,” Oikawa answers truthfully, “No, I don’t hate you.”

Kuroo laughs, and Oikawa feels like he’s achieved something here, “You’re a confusing asshole, you know that?”

“But I’m so cute,” Oikawa quips, refusing to acknowledge his beating heart as Kuroo pulls the covers up and slides into bed next to him. Kuroo must be a walking heater because the temperature under the sheets doubles with him there.

“That you are,” he thinks he hears Kuroo say – and he goes red.

But it’s okay. Oikawa is okay with Kuroo being Kuroo.

 

**the singing (why Oikawa Tooru should keep his day job)**

The Honda they use to travel in is big enough not to be a small car but small enough not to be a big car. Daichi doesn’t mind its size – he thinks he’s cramped all the time because of Kuroo and not the car itself. Kuroo, if you didn’t know, is a fucking _pool_ _noodle_ and takes up too much space and shouldn’t be left in small spaces for large periods of time because he gets irritating (AKA why the fuck would someone give him access to rubber bands, all he does is flick them at the side of Daichi’s head and _hey_ \-  just a friendly reminder from Daichi to Daichi that murder is illegal no matter how soul-crushingly annoying the victim is).

However – if Daichi thought _Kuroo_ was annoying by himself, he didn’t take into account _Oikawa_.

He can’t listen to Tove Lo ever again.

“ _If  we’re talkin’ body_ ,” Oikawa sings (screeches, really), windows open, and Kuroo cheering from the back seat, “ _you gotta perfect one so put it on me~.”_

"Please stop,” Daichi begs. Bokuto laughs at him, turns the radio up and Daichi wants to _die_ because the kid in the car driving next to them is openly staring at them (namely Oikawa, whose entire torso is out the front passenger side window screaming English songs at the top of his lungs), “ _Please.”_

Kuroo wolf whistles when Oikawa shimmies out of his cardigan to show off his lean, muscular arms.

“ _Put your clothes back on, there are kids watching_ ,” Daichi snaps. And – Oikawa has Tove Lo’s entire album.

It’s a long, _long_ ride.

 

**some trivia (part two: things Daichi never thought he’d yell at someone)**

“We are in public, please pull your pants up.”

“Oikawa, it is _not_ acceptable to cut in front of little kids in line for ice cream.”

“The neighbours just told me that orgies should be held in the privacy of my own home, so will you _please_ stop making that noise.”

“Do not throw the bible into the ceiling fan, I think that it's illegal.”

“I feel no pity towards you, everyone knows fifty-two pick up isn’t a real card game.”

“Oikawa, I don’t care if Beyonce is a part of your morning routine, turn it down before I call Iwaizumi to yell at you for me.”

“No, do _not_ pee on the car. Just. No.”

“Bokuto, I know we’re outside, but please use your _inside_ voice.”

“Yes, you do have to pay for the extra tea bags so _do not_ fill the bath up with tea.”

“I am not getting my hundred dollar deposit back am I?”

“You’re all fucking morons.”

“So you throw the bible in the fan _anyway_ – look. Genesis is stuck to the fucking window. Happy now?”

“I don’t want to know. Just – clean it, please?”

At least – only has to last another two days. Another two. Whole. Days. (Someone is going to die. Daichi just doesn’t know who yet.)

 

**the drinking games (truth or dare addition)**

Daichi doesn’t usually drink, and when he does drink, it doesn’t affect him much. But – Bokuto has been handing him bottle after bottle that Daichi doesn’t remember his middle name, but he thinks that’s okay.

“Daichi!” Oikawa calls, just as drunk as Daichi, from across the room, “Truth or dare?”

“I don’t trust you,” Daichi slurs, pointing an accusing finger at the pretty boy, “So truth.”

“That doesn’t makes any sense,” Kuroo snorts, the only somewhat sober one in the room, “He could ask you your darkest secret.”

“Yeah, and then you’re screwed,” Bokuto agrees, taking a drink out of his mystery bottle – honestly, even _drunk_ Daichi doesn’t want to know what’s in that bottle. It’s neon _green_ for fucks sake.

“No, I’m not _that_ mean,” Oikawa protests, to which Kuroo says, _sure thing, princess, whatever you say_ , “ _I_ want to know who Daichi likes~”

Daichi hiccups, “I like Michimiya Yui!”

Oikawa makes a face, “Borinnggggggggg. I thought you liked Mr. Refreshing.”

Daichi shakes his head, “No – no. Suga likes Iwaizumi. I like Michimiya.”

“Ehhhhhhhh – so that’s how it is,” Oikawa nods his head in agreement like Daichi told him the meaning of life or something. “Is Michimuya– ” “ _It’s Michimiya_ –” “Is Michimiya-san cute?”

“She’s very cute,” Daichi nods.

“Have you told her she’s cute?” Kuroo asks, drinking from Bokuto’s deadly concoction.

Daichi scrunches his nose, “No, I haven’t. But I think I will. Right now, where’s my phone?”

                                **[12:02am] To Michimiya:** _youre raelly cute_

“Nice,” Kuroo praises, but for some reason Daichi thinks he’s being made fun of. “Your turn – pick a person.”

To save his wounded, drunk pride, Daichi picks him, “Alright then – Kuroo, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Kuroo replies, grin feral.

It takes him two seconds to come up with the perfect dare, “Kiss Oikawa. but don’t be a _pussy_ about it. I want tongue!”

Oikawa goes red to the top of his head, but Kuroo rises to the challenge, “I’m down if Oikawa’s down.”

Oikawa nods and Kuroo walks over to where Oikawa is perched on one of the four beds squashed into the small room. Daichi watches as Kuroo gently pulls Oikawa’s glasses off and – presses their lips together softly.   He’s got his fingers under Oikawa’s chin, tilting his face up, and Oikawa has hand on his cheek, cupping the stubbled skin there and the kiss goes from closed-mouthed to open-mouthed in the matter of seconds. Daichi – feels uncomfortable and has to look away.

Bokuto obviously shares the same sentiment because he pulls out his phone and shows Daichi some of his favourite vines until the pair are done.

That night, he pretends he doesn’t see Kuroo climb into Oikawa’s bed because it’s – really none of his business.

 

**the chat logs (a finale)**

                **callmescrazy:** so like

                **callmecrazy:** can we talk about assholes for a sec

                **catscratch:** if this is ur way of just talking abt urself

                **catscratch:** i have 2 applaud u 4 self-awareness

                **callmecrazy** : no its not abt me. or u

                **callmecrazy:** its abt ushiwaka

                **callmecrazy:** and how he wont leave me alone

                **catscratch:** stalker???

                **callmecrazy:** WORSE

                **callmecrazy:** like my dad

                **callmecrazy:** except strict.

                **catscratch:**????? tell me more idk much abt miyagi stuff

                **callmecrazy:** every time i see him its:

                **callmecrazy:** ‘why didnt u come to shit-atorizawa the greatest school ever’

                **calmecrazy:** ‘u chose the wrong path you peasant’

                **callmecrazy:** like excuse me i hated u before and now i hate u more

                **catscratch:** sounds tough

                **catscratch:** you’re too pretty for someone like that too boss around

                **catscratch:** own your decisions

                **callmecrazy:** .....

                **callmecrazy:** u used proper grammar to give me a pep-talk

                **callmecrazy:** im actually so flattered wow

                **callmecrazy:** thank you kuroo

                **catscratch:** ur welcome princess ;)

                **catscratch:** anything 4 u

                **callmecrazy:** .....

                **callmecrazy:** it was nice while it lasted

 

**the aftermath (it all works out in the end)**

Daichi stares at his phone – kind of horrified.

“Why did you let me do that?” he asks Kuroo from the front passengers seat, pulling Kuroo attention away from drawing circles into Oikawa’s knuckles.

“Because you weren’t gonna get laid if I didn’t let you,” Kuroo answers, grinning, and Bokuto just laughs.

“Has she replied?” Oikawa asks.

“Yeah,” Daichi says, “It says, _you’re drunk aren’t you, Sawamura-san?”_

“You should just tell her you like her,” Bokuto grins, ruffling  Daichi’s hair oblivious to Kuroo screeching _two hands on the wheel, idiot!_ , “I told Akaashi that I thought his eyes were pretty when I was drunk and he didn’t believe me so I had to tell him again when I was sober and now look at us!”

“I know _way_ too much about your relationship to even look Akaashi in the eye ever again,” Daichi shudders.

“But you should tell her,” Kuroo says. “You’ll feel so much better about it. Even if she doesn’t like you back.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Daichi replies and – steels his resolve. “Okay, I’m gonna do it.”

                **[12:02am] To Michimiya:** _youre raelly cute_

                **[7:34am] From Michimiya:** y _ou’re drunk aren’t you Sawamura-san?”_

                **[10:12am] To Michimiya:** _yeah i was drunk. But i meant it. You are really cute_

**[10:14am] From Michimiya:** _when do you get back?_

                **[10:15am] To Michimiya:** _tonight. Want to get some ramen with me??_

**[10:16am] From Michimiya:** _yeah, i’d love that_ _:)_

 

Kuroo and Oikawa are flirting in the back seat, Bokuto is humming along to the radio and Daichi thinks that – this trip was a good idea.

**Author's Note:**

> im so nervous posting this v.v idk why tho  
> hope you enjoyed!!


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